Happy Everything!

BREAKING NEWS- Santa was just flying over the Danforth, and noticed that the WaterShoppe has made their window look just the way he likes it! Santa also noticed that not too many other businesses have put in the effort to cheer people up with festive windows, and to them he says "Naughty". To the WaterShoppe he says "Big Ups!"
We are attempting to build a landing pad for Santa and his reindeer on the roof of our building, but we might have trouble with the city, so you'll have to come on down to the store and leave a message in our Santa Wish List journal for him. We will then upload the information and forward it to Mrs Claus on her blackberry. Behind every strong man.....
Oh! Santa also mentioned that he loves the rubber ducks we have, and that instead of leaving him milk and cookies, we should all buy him a duck because his doctor said the his body mass index is unhealthy, and he has particular concern with his cholesterol level. We don't want to kill Santa, do we? Rudolph (being the self absorbed reindeer that he is) would like a "grow your own Rudolph" instead of carrots. I'm not making this stuff up, he really loves himself!
What's that? more BREAKING NEWS- Elf Union Local North Pole 62 has gone on strike!
Uh oh, you better not wait for them to make presents for all the kiddies, thank goodness we are fully stocked with wonderful gifts! Those elves are attempting to shut down production in North America as a way to really screw up George Bush and his family Christmas! I always knew they were democrats!
We have silver Christmas trees, big beautiful decorations, a choo choo train in the window, loads of gift baskets, and a bunch of candles that will make your nose happy!
Have a great great great week-end!
p.s-Santa also mentioned that he does not like cross border shopping, so don't piss him off and sneak to Buffalo. Remember, he sees you when your sleeping, he knows when your awake, and he knows what model car you drive!

The Holidays are nipping at our nose.....

Yes, we are filled with cheer, and goodwill t'ward men, and all that. It certainly looks like Christmas has exploded all over the place. We have snowman candles, and Santa grow heads (remember "Cha Cha Cha Chia!) well we have the new slammin version which grows Santa some groovy grass hair. We have room diffusers that smell like sweet pea and wisteria, we have fabulous blue and green reindeer tree ornaments (don't mind the rather large hole in the anal area. We assume and hope that is just a production result), we have chocolates packaged like fire crackers, we have glass vases that are shaped like sno globes and fish, we have place cards which are little glass gift boxes, we even have the technology to instruct you how to build your very own Christmas tree out of exclusive Christian LaCroix glass water bottles! And if that isn't enough, we carry bright red umbrellas with a white furry trim to make your holiday walking in the frickin rain while you last minute shop fun! So WHY IN THE NAME OF PETE WOULD YOU NEED TO SHOP ANYWHERE ELSE?? What do we have to do, walk in front of your place of work wearing a sandwich board stating the obvious? Oh, don't think we wont. Lisa can take uptown, and I'll head downtown. Need incentive? I will show up at your company function dressed like the ghost of Christmas past, and scare you senseless. I'm also not beneath breaking into your car and hiding the the backseat with a Scrooge costume on, waiting for you to look in the rear view mirror. Remember, the holidays are not about spending time with family and loved ones, that is SO yesterday. The holidays are about commerce! Don't be afraid to admit you want lots of gifts! Rejoice in the fact that if you spend "X", your receiver will be obligated to match that amount due to feelings of obligation! Secret Santa? Increase the kitty buy spending twice as much as the allocated limit! You know everybody finds out anyway. Remember the movie Christmas vacation? How upsetting was it that aunt Bethany wrapped up her cat as a gift? Don't be aunt Bethany. Spend, have no regrets, enjoy the passing of money, and always keep in mind that what I have just posted is a load of crap! BUT if you do need to buy a few stocking stuffers, then visit the WaterShoppe and we will look after you. PLUS we do free gift wrapping with any purchases over 25 clams. Now THAT is a way to relieve some of the stress of holiday gift giving!
If anyone is interested in attempting to improve their health, please come down and ask for the "secret water", as well as picking up a package of self test PH strips. This stuff seriously makes you feel better.
have a great week!

Was I right, or was I right?

Are these possibly the cutest things you've ever seen? Imagine getting a gorgeous green velvet gift box, with classic gold ribbon, and then opening it to see NO, not a pair of diamond cuff links, but a Mister T rubber duck! The classic "F.U" joke. Yes, I do stay awake at night thinking of these things.
Have a cranky girlfriend? We've got a PMS duck. Want to inspire your child to become a famous writer? We've got Shakespeare. Need to remember when times were less complicated an more fun? We've got the Blues Brothers. Have a boss who behaves like royalty? We've got Queen Elizabeth.
Enough about the ducks, how about our crazy selection of "Grow your own" stuff-Grow a new husband. Yep. You put a wee little man in a jug of water, and he gets big, and yet stays quiet, and never leaves the toilet seat up. Still hooked on the Sopranos? Grow your very own mobster. Need professional help but can't afford it? Grow a shrink. That way whatever mental nonsense you tell him, the secret is safe.
Would you like to smooch some corporate arse in the hopes of moving up the ladder without actually working hard? We have fabulous gift baskets to make you look like a real hitter.
Want to pretend that you are in a foreign land without leaving your depressing basement apartment? Get one of our sexy Havana candles, and smell your way to showgirls and cigars. Need to one up a certain person this year with the most unique gift? Get a bottle of Bling water and mention that it was "just one of the bottles in my case, thought you might like it".
Starved for attention? Walk down the street in one of our pink flamingo shower caps during rush hour, belting out SPLISH SPLASH I WAS TAKIN A BATH!
Feeling the urge to mess with a stranger while on a long flight? Buy one of our fake hermit crabs, and place it on the seat next to you, as if you'd purchased it a ticket.
Need to gross out an uptight co-worker? Cough really loud, turn your back to them, and then pretend to bring up one of our nasty yet very popular blob frogs. Follow up by saying "I just KNEW I shouldn't have swallowed that".
Or maybe you would simply like to enjoy a civilized visit to our store, sip a decadent hot chocolate, and look around at all the pretty bottles of water.
Oh! We have a great new member to Team WaterShoppe-Her name is Kim St Clair, and she is super. Don't give her a hard time, we really want Kim to stick around!
Have a great week-end doing whatever makes you happy!
See you at the store soon!

BOO!! Well BOO! tomorrow night!

I cannot believe that we still have some black fanged rubber duckies in stock! What, has the world gone crazy? Everyone needs a black fanged rubber duck for Halloween! PLUS we have 5 graveyard herb growing cemeteries too! Scare the neighbours with creepy goulish----CORIANDER!! Geesh. Here is what we were trying to avoid-Little Timmy says to his mom after a big night of trick or treating with sad puppy eyes-"Mommy, how come nobody gave me what I wanted?" Mommy-"what's that sad little Timmy?" Timmy-"a black fanged rubber ducky". Sniff. And then sad little Timmy turns into a crackhead, with many regrets.....
This CAN be avoided if you rush down to the WaterShoppe and purchase some spooky rubber ducks! We've got em in red, we got em with flames, we got em with horns! We got purple, we got striped, we got scarrrrry yellow!!! Think of little Timmy!
We have some very very clever ideas up our sleeve at the W.S. and we are going to pull out the big guns within the next week.
Oh, I also have to mention something very important. We have been contacted by Gilda's House to donate gift baskets, and we need more people to support the cause. If you are not familiar with Gilda's House, please google it and see what a beautiful, emotional, supportive foundation this is. Help!!
Have a spooky safe night tomorrow, and eat lots of candy!!

WARNING: Explicit content and yet no harm to animals

For the love of Pete, when is this weather going to get stable? One day hot chocolate samples, the next day sno cones. One day a parka, the next day flip flops and a sweat mustache! It's unsettling, unsettling.
So we attended our first Business Improvement meeting for the Danforth. I actually enjoyed the meet and greet, and the first hour. Then, the information about proposed spending budgets began, and there I was picking at my shirt like a kid, and thinking "If I go over to the appetizer table and fill my plate again, will they think I'm a swine?" One gal in particular was really into raising her hand and adding comments, which made me fantasize of jumping across the table and throwing a flying knee into her chest, and then taking her down with an arm bar. I bet nobody would have stopped the action. UFC is alive and well in my heart.
What is great about the BIA is they really care an awful lot about our street, and we are thankful for the folks that take time out of their busy lives to do what most of us won't. Cheers to you!
So did you know that it's possible to fit 10 large heavy cases of bottled water into a jetta? And if you really press it, you can get from 337 Danforth to the Sheraton Center on Queen Street within 13 minutes. Of course, you make a few enemies along the way, like pedestrians, TTC, fellow drivers, and insignificant red lights. Good thing I put some underpants over the licence plate! In your FACE surveillance cameras! I was also clever enough to wear a ski mask and a trench.... sooo incognito on a hot day......
Our website is in the final stages, we are going to be interviewed on the radio next week, and Toronto Life is doing a write up about our store, and a fine water from France you NEED to try. Remember how Lisa has been quoted a few times saying "anyone who says water is just water is mistaken?". Well mes amies, she is talking about WattWiller. This water is sweet, smooth, and almost thick. And it has zero nitrates, which is basically tiny traces of poop. So drink up!
A shout out to Mr Case, for being very friendly, and getting us whatever we need in a pinch. Thank you Marc! And a big thank you to Aqua Maestro for providing us with help, friendly advice, and great waters from all over the world! The other companies that are also being very attentive to us are going to be seen all over the city! Yes-The first WaterShoppe vehicle will be wrapped and getting attention very soon! Imagine a sexy mini cooper with an entire cityscape of beautiful Toronto made from images of bottled waters. How cool is that? Come off... And NO, we don't have a bottle shaped like the Rogers Center, don't be an ass....Geesh, you would think I just got out of prison and haven't talked to anyone on the outside for a year? Sorry for being so yacky. I'm done. As always, come to the WaterShoppe and have a great time!

Guess who is coming???

So can you even believe the guests we are receiving next week? Steve Yzerman, Mister T, Bill Clinton, Dan Ackroyd, Gene Simmons, just to name a few. Yup, we are also going to have the Pope, John Belushi, Elvis, Bethoven, James Brown, and Shakespeare! Sure, you might be thinking right now, some of them are deceased. But are they?????
We are getting a whole lotta celebrity rubber ducks! I cannot imagine how fun it is going to be having a bath with James Brown! "I feel good! Like I knew that I would!" Watch the wings, James...
Before I forget, need to tell you about the elderly woman who came in dressed in a purple nightgown and a pink felt hat, asking what water had the most energy. She pulled out a crystal on a rope, and began swinging it over all the waters. Dog gonnit, but didn't she strike gold with 10,000 BC water! She was so happy, that she pulled out her mastercard and bought 4 bottles. I fail to mention that she also believes that due to the delay in her credit card being authorized, it was meant to be that she was "introduced" to a water from Portugal. Her bag became "lighter" once she placed the bottles in it. Um, yeah. 84 years old, carrying a fabric bag with about 27 pounds of water became "lighter". God bless the disillusioned. A true nutter came in Saturday, grabbed his crotch, and said "Whoaaaa, what do you mean, what am I waiting the f@ck for!!". I have since seen him saying the same thing in a variety store. The Danforth is amazing! We have also had a little blond girl rush the store, and attempt to put three water toys in her pocket, and run back out. No need to worry, I handled it like anyone else would with a three year old. I grabbed her by the hair, slammed her to the pavement and told her if she ever did it again, I would use a shank on her. Hey, a little discipline goes a long way. Her parents will thank me after the law suit.
On a more appropriate note, we are going to be attending the Berkley Springs water tasting competition. How fabulous! This is an event where all the best waters come together, to be judged by their peers, and receive awards. Lisa and myself will be scoping out the next great waters to carry, and also promoting our business.
We have recently been lucky enough to have an article printed in the National Post on our store, which has generated a lot of traffic, as well as a plug from Arthur Von Weisenberger on US STREAM worldwide news, which was fantastic. Our store also provides the red glass bottles of Ty Nant which we were credited for in the November issue of Canada's Style At Home.
Things are tickedy-boo, and we are going to become the best place in Toronto for hot chocolate, so please visit the store!

STOP THINKING AND VISIT OUR BOUTIQUE!

IF YOU ARE READING THIS BLOG, YOU ARE GOOD LOOKING AND SMART AS A WHIP.
Hi! So the WaterShoppe is ready to move into fall/winter mode. The staff will now be dressed as Bon Homme, and Lisa and myself will wear Elf costumes. And every afternoon at 2pm we will have a virtual snow storm take place inside the store.
* everything in above mentioned paragraph is based on fiction, and will only occur inside my head every day at 2pm.
So could things be any better? Go on, ask. Not only have we been listed on websites, had great print articles done, received enough attention to grab a fabulous Yorkville client (name to be withheld, since we don't like bragging, ummm much), had 3 of the 5 star hotels in Toronto contact us, affiliated ourselves with Earth Dance, and a mention in Style At Home magazine. Not bad for two months, huh? A big thank you to Tina at SIMON SAYS on Mount Pleasant for sending the Toronto Life editor over yesterday. Remember I had mentioned SIMON SAYS in a previous blog? Well now they give out FREE honda civics if you mention this entry!
*again, this will only occur in my head. So congrats for your imaginary gift!

Ebony and Ivor-reeeeee....

Zut alors!! The french are coming! And so are the germans, the dutch, the irish, the scots, and the frickin yankees! Our latest waters have been released from customs, and they are all living together in harmony at the store. However, each morning I notice that the english waters have jumped off the shelf and moved away from the french waters. Some things never change.
In case you live under a massive rock, you know the Toronto Film Festival in underway. George Clooney and Russell Crow came in yesterday and asked if it was possible to get in a photo with myself and Lisa. Hello, busy??? Man, are they annoying. What's next? Catherine Zeta asking for a free italian soda? Sorry sister, you have to get in line behind TomCat, just like everyone else.
Oh, baby Suri asked if she be our scientology water specialist. WHAT-ever.
We have been getting busier every week-end, and the word of mouth is fantastic. Last week I had the pleasure of meeting one of the San Benedetto family members in our store. Wouldn't it be nice to have a business card like hers that reads "Firenze, Italy". Damn the italians are arrogant with their sexy addresses. And what about the french? We have another business card from a soft spoken, scarf wearing frenchman, that says "Eau", Grenoble France. PUH-Leez. Check this out-"Lisa and Tracey" midtown GTA. Huh? Take that.
Lisa has gone above and beyond for our customers in buying fabulous products. Until you walk into the store and see it, you won't believe me. She managed to track down items like child-friendly chop sticks (what? sushi has seaweed???, it's water related!), tornado-in-a-can, shower caps with dancing hula girls, and even a rubber frog that you squeeze and the contents of his stomach blob outwards. That one kind of makes my lunch come back up, but so does a rat tail on a kid, so I'm coping. For anyone over 60 and under 30, a rat tail is a long skinny braid of greasy hair which drapes down the back of a neck, typically accompanied by a mullet. For those over 60 and under 30 a mullet is the hairstyle of Billy Ray Cyrus circa Achy Breaky Heart. For those that were not awake for the year 1992, Billy Ray Cyrus was bigger than Madonna and U2. And for those of us who still get that damn song stuck in our heads, pity.
The store is doing amazing, and our website will be up soon, and ready for online shopping! Another interesting addition to the WaterShoppe is the oldest case of Perrier in the world. Yup. Corked, and still bubbly. We can't sell it, so don't ask. Did you really think that we would put it on E-Bay?? Well, contractually we can't, NOT that we would have. I wonder what it would go for....
Just as every annoying motivational speaker says-Make it a great week!
p.s-Is it true that Brangelina is adopting myself and Lisa? Gawd, I wish we knew before the media shows up.

Hell isn't as hot as the WaterShoppe

Hey!
Have you ever been sitting in a sauna for so long, you start to get disoriented? Well, since we don't have proper a/c (I could breath on you, and it would be better), we are showing signs of stupidity and a heightened sense of anger. This morning, I couldn't get the gadget which you swipe credit cards thru to work. I slammed every key with my swollen fist, almost pulled it out of the wall, used every expletive known, yanked out a clump of sweaty hair, and freaked. I then collapsed on the floor with my face in front of the ice maker (which blows enough hot air to raise a f*@cking hot air balloon), and sucked my thumb. I found a nickel, a rubber band, and a blob of syrup.
Knowing this wasn't big girl behavior, I picked myself up and decided to start the day again. We look forward to fall. I'm certain by then, the a/c won't shut off, and we will need to pry our frost bitten hands off water bottles.
Our Eau Cadeau's (water gift baskets) are a huge hit! Lisa has been swimming in a sea of ribbons and buckets for days. Pretty soon, we will have to unchain her leg so she can sleep and eat.
When you see the incredible job Lisa has done creating these works of art, you will want one.
And finally, a big thank you to the people who have been chatting about the WaterShoppe on their websites! Even the trash talkers are great! Our favorite so far is -"This could be the greatest idea in history". Yup, we think so. The one that makes us laugh the most-"A new store for people with more money than brains". I e-mailed the author of that one, to let him know that our prices start at $1.25, and an average bottle would be $2.50. Response-"Oh. Didn't know that". Well Einstein do a little research before you open your big gate! We seriously love it all!
CBC wants to shoot a feature on the store for Living In Toronto next week. Ugh. Love the exposure, hate the being on tv thing. Hopefully Lisa N me won't get hit with a huge case of nerves, and start expelling gas. Actually, I would prefer tooting over the thought of being asked a question, and just vomiting everywhere. That would only be funny 25 years from now. We want to get the two young girls who work at the WaterShoppe (Danielle and Solana), to do the show, and pretend to be us. So if you see Lisa and she has brown hair and appears to be 17, it's Lisa. And if you see me, and I am 18 with dark skin, don't adjust your set. It's me Tracey!
have a superb week-end!

Team WaterShoppe survived! And I never want to see another sno cone again. We ran out of syrups on Saturday night for them, so chef/scientist/resident genious Lisa created her very own syrups! If I told you the secret recipe, I'd have to kill you.
We worked our little derrieres off, but it was worth it. The event was a great success!
By the time Sunday came around, we were so dog tired that we sucked helium (just like I knew we would), and started hollering at the crowds in Oompa Loompa voices. Oh well, it entertained the hell out of us.
After that experience, we collapsed on the ground and dragged ourselves home by our front teeth. Things got a little rough on Broadview with the street car tracks. My bottom lip is sore.
Here are some photos of the event!

Now THAT is a hard workin crew...

We did it!!! We received our own WaterShoppe water delivery, and carried 420 cases of bottled water by hand into our store. Can you imagine how fun that was? No loading dock, no problem! Sure it was about 117 degrees and not a cloud in the sky, but who the heck wouldn't want to heave 6,000 pounds of water for fun? The delivery man stayed and helped out the entire time. Hey, there are still decent people in this world! And Jared can keep eating those subs to lose weight, but the real deal was at the WaterShoppe. I'm guessing as a group, we lost about 54 pounds in sweat. They say when you are suffering sunstroke and dehydration you "see" things. Well, I don't care what anyone says, it was really cool that Donnie Osmond rode a purple unicorn down the street and made it rain jellybeans.
Taste of the Danforth begins tomorrow, and it is going to be insane. We really need to do something special to attract the mad crowds. The big blue canopy that Lisa bought is amazing! It is a 7 minute set-up tent, and after 2 hours, we finally got it! And Lisa also rented a helium cannister, to fill up our 200 balloons! I'm thinking by the time everyone has a crack at sucking up the helium and doing the "follow the yellow brick road" munchkin voice, we will have enough left for 3 balloons. Why is sucking helium still so darn fun?
With all this WaterShoppe action happening, we look about as attractive as a chewed boot. So instead of seeing Lisa or myself and hanging your bottom lip on your chin in shock, lie to us and say "Darnit, if you gals don't get prettier by the minute!".
Our lovely neighbour Margaret goes through 1400 pounds of calamari in less than 3 days during the festival. Just think about that for a minute. And then wrap your mind around how busy we could be. This is going to be CRAZY!! Hey, we should get Mel Lastman down here to holler "WHO makes sno cones better than the WaterShoppe!!?".
Just a warning to anyone who might get in line, and not make a quick decision on what italian soda flavour your want: You will receive a hard slap across the face, and be instructed to "step aside please". We need speed, and we need cash! Don't mess with the flow!
And if it ain't nailed down, we are going to sell it! What's that, you like our hardwood flooring? Just hand me that crow bar and give me a minute to pop out a good 500 feet for ya.
Come on down to the Taste of the Danforth and buy our water!!

What Can Happen next??

Hi! Wowzers, this water business moves fast! Did anyone see the 4.5 seconds on Global news? Nothing is scarier than pimples and a double chin in HDTV! Thank you to Annie for saying I looked good. Bless you. I had a global tv face only a mother could love.
The sneaky Global crew was setting up shop to do a blind test taste between Aquafina and Evian. Sure, pick the Danforth at lunchtime, to catch old greek men with tzaztiki breath who couldn't tell the difference between a cup of gasoline and lemon juice. AND they set up with the WaterShoppe in the background! Lisa and myself moved as quick as elks to get them away from our store and do damage control. Buggers. Now ask those same greek men to tell the difference between Du Maurier regular and Players light, then they would become connoisseurs.
Can I ask a question? Why is it that normal looking adults keep asking if they can drink from the fountain in the back room? It smells like bleach, it contains bleach, and it is most certainly a decorative fountain. Did we assume people would not want to take a sip? yes. However, it now seems to be worth investigating further.
Oh, a sweaty drunk man came in last night and said this:-"Blah blah zherba simmy blah blah". He continued to grab various bottles of water and stick them in his pockets. Then he came to the cash and said 'blah blah zherba simmy blah blah Ice Wine". I then realized the man assumed he was buying bottles of wine. When I told him they were all water, he stared for 3 minutes without blinking, and then walked backwards out of the store. I laughed for 7 hours.
Or how about the woman who asked "do you carry that water that Jennifer Anniston drinks, and is it true you don't have to exercise if you take it?". Yeah, you just melt off the pounds, get super tanned and thin, and your hair gets silky PLUS your eyes turn green.
Did she think that if we had the recipe to that magic water we would be open until 10pm???
Have a GREAT week, and the WaterShoppe will see you soon!

One Big Love Fest!

Howdy! Well, we have survived the first two weeks of a new business, and oy is it easy!! Lisa and myself have been relaxing, getting pedicures, lunching in Yorkville, and sleeping like babies. Oh wait a minute, that's a big fat lie!
Reality-14 hour days, dark circles under our eyes like we play in the NFL, skin breakouts (like, Oh My Gawd, this is SOO high school), and feet that resemble Frodo's. As a matter of fact, I was mistaken for Gollum today. Must be the newly acquired hump on my back from carrying cases of water, and the bones protruding from not eating. Oh well, I think Gollum is charming. Lisa has been existing on a diet of italian sodas and chocolate for so long, she might be a candidate for scurvy soon. I'll worry when her chicklets start to fall out. Nuthin says healthy like missing front teeth!
Sooo, when you don't get any sleep for a couple of months, you seem to forget the little things. Example-driving to meet with Saul (owner of Korry's clothing), parking the car across the street, and then walking back to the store because we forgot we drove. Going to the police station to get a background check, and driving a truck with an expired plate. Walking to the bank, chatting to the teller, and then leaving without getting a float. Ya know, the little things.
So please listen to the almighty Q107 next week, and let us know if you hear our plug!
The store looks great, we are feeling the love, and a special thanks to all of you people who have been donating your time/help/money/advice/good will!!
The list is too long for this blog, but just you wait until we have time to properly thank everyone. And man, are we going to throw a great party at the store soon!

So the store is open, and things are going great! We are getting some fabulous feedback, and are currently in the process of getting Michael Mascha ( cover of Time Magazine, author , creator of Fine Waters website) to visit us, and have a book signing/drink sampling night. Who woulda thunk it? And we also are selling big numbers of sno cones, so come down on a hot summer night and get one! They were meant to be for kids, but as it turns out, it's the over 40 crowd who are all over them. Come to think of it, kids don't really know what an old school sno cone is.... Remember those damn triangle ice popsicles that came in grape flavour? You would suck the life out of it within twenty seconds, and then be left with a chunk of ice. And then you would suck the life out of the chunk of ice, and cut your tongue doing it. Ohhh, back in the days of lead based paint, unsafe cribs, and unsafe popsicles....
We also are sporting a superb flat screen which showcases just about every water related movie. So if you can't afford Bell Express Vu, then come down and bring your comfie pillow, order an italian soda, and watch a flick!
Thank you to everyone that came to the opening Saturday!!!

short but SWEET

Hi all!
I will let the pictures do the talkin....
Please visit us next week!!!

Running water is fun!!

Yeah. Oh baby baby yeah. We have running water at the bar! Annie, this blog is for you!
Firstly, I would like to encourage my peeps to keep shopping for children's high class duds at SIMON SAYS on Mount Pleasant Road. This store (for the few gals I haven't sent there yet) is all about what YOU want. Imagine if you were 2 feet tall, weighed 28 pounds, and had your entire life ahead of you. You WOULD wear designer denim over your baby undies.
And for everyone who thinks they have the cutest baby in the world, get yourself over to MICHAEL FRANCIS photography at 3200 Yonge street. That way, you can stomp your competition with fabulous portraits of your infinitely beautiful child and get wallet sized proof.
So we just wrapped up our interview for the local papers (Riverdale, Beaches), and I am really hoping that the photographer doesn't actually put a photograph of the store with me in it. Let's all imagine this-A gorgeous all white boutique, with deep espresso fixtures, bottled waters from all over the globe backlit with soft white light, an antique clawfoot tub in the window display, a sexy curved bar, and oh, what's that? A filthy woman wearing a green undershirt and flabby hammock arms holding a water, with parsley in her teeth. Oh, and she looks as though someone is feeding her raw liver. Oh wait, she's smiling.
Oy, as we all know, Lisa is the good looking woman, with shiny hair and big eyes. Plus she always looks great, we know this. REMINDER-set appts and don't say "whenever is good for you".
We went through "training" this morning for our high tech ultra modern uber expensive computer system. Hm. We were asked if we wanted a coffee. We sat down at the same cubicles they have at Driver's Ed Centers. The walls were painted annoying yellow. We tried to have fun. Here is what actually happened, recorded by meeting minutes:
Trainer-(approx. 22 years of age, nose piercing, club clothes, likes to say "Cool man")
"So girls (see above mentioned age), let's get into the first segment, and open up a screen".
Lisa-"oops, I already went into ENTER, what is the code?".
Trainer-(again, 22 years of age, no sagging butt, face skin still tight) "Lisa, I TOLD you to not do anything, except look at the screen, and reference your manual". "Ugh, tsk, sheesh..."
Lisa-"Umm, okaaay, so how do I get back to the first screen?",
Trainer-"well, READ the bottom of the screen, it OBVIOUSLY directs you to the next step, reference your manual". (roll eyes, tsk, ugh, sheesh)
Tracey-"yeah, yeah, I get everything. Is this it?".
(two minute time lapse)
Trainer-(no bags under her young eyes, flat tummy, now I'm getting annoyed) "Okay GIRLS now we have a test". Enter two new items into the system, break up a case of water and link it to it's single equivalent".
Lisa-begins screen, remembers what key to press to save input, takes a while, but completes assignment.
Tracey "yeah yeah, I know everything"-stares at the screen, blanks, starts thinking about "did I lock the front door?", thinks"when did I feed the cat?", then looks at Lisa whizzing through the test, and then-Okay let's press every key and see what happens. Silence, followed by Page Up Page Down Duplicate End Save Enter Cost Price Return Escape Search 222222222 Code Split Case, and Voila! Not 10 minutes later, I didn't complete the assignment.
Trainer-"reference your manual"
"PRICE"-$20 in gas, and lack of sleep
"REASON"-to master our own domain
"COST"-$500
RESULT-"PRICELESS"-waking up, fighting traffic, getting abused, not learning anything, going to Markham, and laughing our asses off about the entire thing.
Annie this blog is for you!

Not that we didn't know that....

Bonjour! It is June 15th, and we are getting ready to open the doors really soon! Guess what? Drum roll please..... I put the new black toilet seat on! Yes, you've been holding your breath, and it is here! It is black, and it is new. AND we have a locking door knob. We must insist that although the washroom is divine, there shall be no persons (with the exception of Mitchell after a big dinner) who will go "number two" without special authorization. This is a fancy schmancy tinkle toilet only. Last night while painting the baseboards for the third time (yeah, I tried to keep focus, but white on white seemed like an easy way to cheat and skip spots) I heard a woman holler to her friend "Connor, this WaterShoppe is totally your thing, but I can't afford this kind of luxury, so I get my water from Food Basics". ???? Question: If a gal can't afford an imported bottle of superior drinking water at $3, what exact luxury can she afford? Do they sell half bags of Doritos? I simply want to clear the air-EVERYONE can afford the luxury of great water, at every price range. Just as wine lovers get excited over earth composite, and variety of grapes, water lovers can choose between calcium content, regional minerals, sparkling vs still, source, etc. As a matter of fact, great water is the one luxury every woman/man/child can appreciate! Water won't make you grow love handles or be unhappy, it is your best friend on a hot day, it never takes away from a great meal, it helps to clean the chicklets when a toothbrush isn't available, nothing beats it right after a hard workout, no aftertaste, won't lead to impaired driving, and keeps the organs clean!
Hmmm, that sounded like a commercial. I should contact Hal and Joanne from "Bodybreak" to see if we can get listed under ParticipACTION. Dead giveaway to showing your age, if you remember those commercials!
Lisa is ordering some unbelievably fun merchandise (rubber ducky shower cap anyone?), so come by and take a peek! She also ordered some great summer party items, and all I will say is you will be the most popular guest in T.O if you bring along one of our gifts. PLUS we will wrap it up to make it seem like you spent waaaay more than you really did! Isn't that just the best?
Au Revoir!

Ooh La Laaaa

Hi everyone! The wall units arrived the other day, and they are gorgeous. Our back sitting area is going to be fantastic once the water fountain is installed, even the washroom is A-list!
Between Rob and myself we are sharing three brain cells. Having 7am to 2am days has caught up, and wow, does being exhausted make you stupid!-"Where is the pen?" -in your hand. "Have you seen the paint brush?"-it's in your other hand. "What day is this?" a full two minutes of silence, followed by "I truly have no idea, nothing".
I'm averaging three trips a day to Home Depot. The self checkout puts me in a fury. So I have to lug around my crap, AND check myself out now? For those of you that haven't experienced self checkout here is a sample-"Please scan items and place in bagging area". "An unknown object has been detected in the bagging area" (my purse, because I'm needing both hands to attempt scanning a 12 foot baseboard) "please remove item", "an unknown object has been detected in the bagging area" "Please remove item". 'And unknown "Yeah, I friggin know, my purse is in the "bad place", and I now have a pulled muscle in my stomach from picking up a 30kg container of plaster to get the barcode over the laser! Leave me alone or I will freak out and scan my foot nice and hard! And to top off the experience, they have cashiers standing beside the self checkout to "help you" follow the instructions.???? Is this Candid Camera?
I've also taken to falling asleep every time I sit down on anything. Of course my mouth is wide open, and I wake up feeling like I've dumped a bag of sawdust down my throat. And since the reno started I haven't had my hair coloured. I have 4 inch dark roots, and lots of silver that stands straight up from my head. The other day I walked to Tim Hortons in my painting clothes, and when I caught a glimpse of myself in a glass storefront, even I thought "Oh, look at that poor homeless woman". I should have drank my coffee and used the cup to beg for money.
There is a big sidewalk sale along the Danforth on June 23rd, if anyone is interested. And volunteers are welcome for the Taste of the Danforth festival!
Great to see Lisa's mother Annie today! She stopped for a visit and said the place is looking great.
Hope all is well with everyone, and eventually I will see you all soon!

DAMN that looks good!

So as the reno continues, there is now light at the end of the WaterShoppe tunnel! The fun starts now. Not quite sure why every drunk person feels the need to walk into the store and give their expert opinion, but hey! One hefty grey haired beauty came in the other day and asked if WaterShoppe was a dance bar ???? And then began to sing CarWash while dancing for us. It was great! I of course invited her to come back (fingers crossed, sober) in two weeks. Oh, lesson learned. Don't leave your back door open when not IN the back. Sometimes a sketchy looking dude on a bicycle rides down the alley to see what is available.
When you feel the need for a delightful comforting soup, please visit Margaret at Silk Road restaurant to get a gigantic bowl of rice noodle soup with veggies. You won't be disapointed!
And men, if you need a great suit, you need to see Spiros next door who is our landlord. Possibly the hardest working man in Toronto. Might I recommend a navy pinstripe?
Lisa wrote up a great bio on the WaterShoppe which potential customers are already picking up as they walk by. Walk by and pick one up! Support us! I know life is hectic, but if each friend/family member/dentist/accountant/podiatrist/officer of the law/second cousin/funeral home owner/dog walker bought something, we would make big bucks!
Mention this add, and you will receive a complimentary smile and a drink at regular price!

Renovations

I am so knackered. The renovations have been underway for a week now, and I feel like an old woman. It really is hard doing nothing for hours on end! I sit and watch Rob do all the work, and I hand him the tools. I can't wait until I get to paint and decorate, which should be Monday. It's amazing how many people walk right in and ask "what is the WaterShoppe anyway?". Gives me a chance to practice telling our story, so that when 60 Minutes runs the interview about how the WaterShoppe franchises have overtaken Starbucks globally, I'll be as smooth as silk. What?? It could happen!
On a scary note, there is a small fuzzy blue bunny in the basement, missing one eye and very dirty. I cannot imagine any child playing in the dirt floor basement, so it makes it all the more creepy. And I swear that when I go in the basement, mister bunny has moved positions. Somebody might find me standing in the corner facing the wall just like in Blair Witch Project.
have a great long week-end!

WaterShoppe and Mothers

Okay, not that I worry, but it would be really great if our general handyman would make an appearance soon so that we can get the floor installed at 337 Danforth. No pressure, but "Al" resident of Barrie Ontario (last name and number soon to follow so some creepy person can lean on him) needs to call us.
Still happy as a clam, not showing any stress because this store is going to be fabulous. I'm talking fabulous, like when you wake up on a plane, and you are just touching down in a beautiful country, and your luggage is the first to come out of the shoot, AND your hair looks great.
Please make a point of treating your mothers like queens this week-end. If not for mama, you would have bad manners, and have stains on your shirt for picture day at school.
Tomorrow we go back to RR Woodwork to design a bar for the store. How cool is that??
I have included a photo of George, because he is the most handsome bloke in the cat world.
au revoir!

Big chandeliers and big price tags

So today was a WaterShoppe decorating journey. Did you know that there are over 265 different options when it comes to hardwood/laminate/cork flooring? Oy. And did you know that without seeing prices on all the selections, you will always choose the most expensive one? Of course you did.
After flooring, there is lighting. Ahhhh pretty tinkly crystal dripping chandeliers. If you have a moment check out Royal Lighting to see the 63 pages of different designs. If you can navigate that site and make a selection of just one fixture, you can bend spoons with your mind power. I am spent.
Oh, and then paint colours. Who knew that white was 48 different shades? I think being spun around three times with a blindfold on is the way to go. We just want white. Not eggshell, not studio, not cloud, just white.
This is the week that we head down to get our licence to serve beverages and food items. Next week the application for a patio. Pray for us. I've heard that civil servants aren't the most accommodating folks in Toronto. Huge understatement.
On a positive note, the gentleman at dock#13 at the Victoria street passport office was fabulous. He got my passport done within 4 days, AND he smiled. Just watch out for the tiny jamaican woman who "greets" you at the main door. She will rip you apart if you don't keep the line moving. And if you have your cell phone on, well, your life.
We are going to attempt getting VEEN water into Canada from Finland. This water is something that could be exciting to drink and sell. So pure, and great bottle design.
Okay, that is all for now. Please check out Zack Braff's blog, just because the guy is funny. And I added the photo from Rome just because too.

What Not To Do In Rome

Hi all! Back from Rome, and in need of some TLC. The trip was interesting. Here is a list of What Not To Do In Rome:
1)Do NOT rent a car with Sixt rental agency. You need an automatic? Tough, they only have standard, here are the keys, go kill yourself.
2)Do NOT expect italians to help you with directions. It's a sport for them to send desperate tourists in the wrong direction.
3)Do NOT drive above mentioned rental car in downtown Rome during a holiday. Unless you enjoy being screamed at, and being flipped off all day.
4a)Do NOT spend quality time walking around the train station in Rome. You will be mugged, spat on, rubbed against, or all three.
4b) While in train station, keep your purse closed, or you could be relieved of ohh, let's say 50 euro and 100 Canadian. Just guessing..
5)Do NOT visit Rome without practicing your smoking skills beforehand. If you are incapable of puffing 2 packs of filterless a day, you won't survive. Lisa is now in need of an oxygen tank and mask.
6)Do NOT go out for a nice dinner after a long day of visiting the sites. Trust me. Look down. See those two black shoes on your feet? Nope, you are wearing white flip flops, and you are filthy. And your face looks the same. Go back to the hotel and hose down.
7)Do NOT expect to find a gas station open on Sunday. It's Sunday, what, are you stupid??
8) Do NOT seperate from your travel partner at or around the Spanish Steps. You will never see each other again. Never.
9)Do NOT forget your adaptor. You will not be able to charge your cell and digital camera, and you will be forced to dry your hair with a beige vacuum hose that is harder to control than a stallion.
10) Do NOT assume you will have a normal sized american bathroom in your 4 star hotel. Ask questions. Otherwise you might have to fold yourself into an impossibly tiny bathtub, and contort your body to get your hair wet under the faucet. And do NOT pull the string hanging from the ceiling. It isn't a clothes line to hang wet towels, you will have your door kicked in and the ambulanza sirens blasting. Emergenza.
11) Do NOT stall your car in the middle of an insane round-about during evening rush hour. That could be your last memory.
12) Do NOT assume a friendly smile and a buena sera will get you in good favour at local restaurants. I can guarantee the entire village will be seated before you, and you will finally be placed right beside the swinging kitchen doors, head at elbow level. Bon Appetito!
Lastly, do NOT let anything stop you from having a good laugh at your misfortune. After all the drudgery, the weather was great, the Trevi fountain was beautiful, the pizzas and cappucinos were fabulous, the countryside was gorgeous, and life really is great!
We were knocked out by the retail in Rome. They really know how to make a space look gorgeous. Work on the WaterShoppe is taking place as I type this, so stay tuned for more updates!
ciao!

Opa!

hello again!
This week went by so quickly, I can't believe it. Business numbers, applications, GST, registrations, blah blah blah.. The fun part is designing the store with Richard from RR Woodworks. Give that man a piece of paper and pencil and within 2 minutes he maps out your entire life! We are very excited to see the finished product. When we get back from Rome, my lovely friend Willem is hosting a focus group on the WaterShoppe, so that we can sit in as observers and listen to feedback. It's going to be difficult not being able to jump in and challenge something, but Lisa can give me a slap with a white glove across the face to get me quiet.
Oh, the next time you walk along the Danforth, well, visit the WaterShoppe (duh), and then have a meal at the Auld Spot pub. Really nice neighbours!
Also looking forward to the next tasting party with the lovely Brian, and having the lovely Jose renovate the store. Isn't it nice to have lovely friends?
The weather is gorgeous, so don't turn on your tv's, get outside and walk in the sun!

Holy cannoli!

Happy Friday! We have the keys to the store, and now the hard work begins! I must say that our new landlords are just lovely. Haroula and Spiros (good irish names) are salt of the earth people. Let's hope they stay kind, once the reno starts. Oh, if anyone happens to know a contact at City Hall, free water for a year! We really want to get a patio on the street.
Oh what's that? You want to know if I'm stupid enough to let my passport expire? Yup. That will be fun times on Monday. Nothing better than pulling number 546 and seeing "serving number 3" flashing in red. Lisa had a very good idea. We need to come up with a way to block out the storefront while we get it ready, and yet leave a wee wee peek-a-boo hole for snoopy customers. We welcome your input!

Holy update!

We are off to Rome!!! Roma! Viva Italia! If I could calm down for a second.....
Latest breaking news:
My partner Lisa (have I told you how amazing she is?) is arranging a trip to Rome so that we can make some very important contacts with the water mafia.
This could be very very big for us. One never knows what can happen while in Rome....
We are checking on our overseas competition. I will be thinking of all of you as I sip my espresso, overlooking the Trevi fountain.
I'm thinking tomorrows entry won't be as exciting as this, but look anyway.
ciao bellas!

No sleep for WaterShoppe women

Okay, if anyone has come across a great water, or a yummy mixed drink, then let us know so we can get ideas of what to consider for the drink menu.
There is an official sampling happening this Friday, so I will keep you posted on what gets thumbs up and what sucks.
Off to start the day with a few appts, speak to you later!

Making of the WaterShoppe

Hello all!
Created this to make it easier for everyone to follow the progress of the coolest new store opening in Toronto this year. The WaterShoppe will be Canada's first Water/Hydration boutique located on the Danforth. If you don't know Toronto, then I should explain that the Danforth is known as Greek Town, which is host to amazing restaurants/bars/stores of every kind, and over a million people take to the streets in August for a 2 day festival. Why not come down? Free festivals are good, no? My name is Tracey, and my partner is Lisa. We get the keys to the space in a few days, and I am surprisingly not freaking out. We are opening the doors July 1st, so if you see future blogs that don't report good progress get on my back about working harder, since you know the deadline now! If you know us, then you are aware that we are obsessed with water, and get completely worked up over gorgeous bottles. The boutique will carry waters from around the globe, feature a sexy water bar with delicious mixed drinks, and sell amazing products. Okay, enough for now!
Exciting times!