Happy Everything!

BREAKING NEWS- Santa was just flying over the Danforth, and noticed that the WaterShoppe has made their window look just the way he likes it! Santa also noticed that not too many other businesses have put in the effort to cheer people up with festive windows, and to them he says "Naughty". To the WaterShoppe he says "Big Ups!"
We are attempting to build a landing pad for Santa and his reindeer on the roof of our building, but we might have trouble with the city, so you'll have to come on down to the store and leave a message in our Santa Wish List journal for him. We will then upload the information and forward it to Mrs Claus on her blackberry. Behind every strong man.....
Oh! Santa also mentioned that he loves the rubber ducks we have, and that instead of leaving him milk and cookies, we should all buy him a duck because his doctor said the his body mass index is unhealthy, and he has particular concern with his cholesterol level. We don't want to kill Santa, do we? Rudolph (being the self absorbed reindeer that he is) would like a "grow your own Rudolph" instead of carrots. I'm not making this stuff up, he really loves himself!
What's that? more BREAKING NEWS- Elf Union Local North Pole 62 has gone on strike!
Uh oh, you better not wait for them to make presents for all the kiddies, thank goodness we are fully stocked with wonderful gifts! Those elves are attempting to shut down production in North America as a way to really screw up George Bush and his family Christmas! I always knew they were democrats!
We have silver Christmas trees, big beautiful decorations, a choo choo train in the window, loads of gift baskets, and a bunch of candles that will make your nose happy!
Have a great great great week-end!
p.s-Santa also mentioned that he does not like cross border shopping, so don't piss him off and sneak to Buffalo. Remember, he sees you when your sleeping, he knows when your awake, and he knows what model car you drive!

The Holidays are nipping at our nose.....

Yes, we are filled with cheer, and goodwill t'ward men, and all that. It certainly looks like Christmas has exploded all over the place. We have snowman candles, and Santa grow heads (remember "Cha Cha Cha Chia!) well we have the new slammin version which grows Santa some groovy grass hair. We have room diffusers that smell like sweet pea and wisteria, we have fabulous blue and green reindeer tree ornaments (don't mind the rather large hole in the anal area. We assume and hope that is just a production result), we have chocolates packaged like fire crackers, we have glass vases that are shaped like sno globes and fish, we have place cards which are little glass gift boxes, we even have the technology to instruct you how to build your very own Christmas tree out of exclusive Christian LaCroix glass water bottles! And if that isn't enough, we carry bright red umbrellas with a white furry trim to make your holiday walking in the frickin rain while you last minute shop fun! So WHY IN THE NAME OF PETE WOULD YOU NEED TO SHOP ANYWHERE ELSE?? What do we have to do, walk in front of your place of work wearing a sandwich board stating the obvious? Oh, don't think we wont. Lisa can take uptown, and I'll head downtown. Need incentive? I will show up at your company function dressed like the ghost of Christmas past, and scare you senseless. I'm also not beneath breaking into your car and hiding the the backseat with a Scrooge costume on, waiting for you to look in the rear view mirror. Remember, the holidays are not about spending time with family and loved ones, that is SO yesterday. The holidays are about commerce! Don't be afraid to admit you want lots of gifts! Rejoice in the fact that if you spend "X", your receiver will be obligated to match that amount due to feelings of obligation! Secret Santa? Increase the kitty buy spending twice as much as the allocated limit! You know everybody finds out anyway. Remember the movie Christmas vacation? How upsetting was it that aunt Bethany wrapped up her cat as a gift? Don't be aunt Bethany. Spend, have no regrets, enjoy the passing of money, and always keep in mind that what I have just posted is a load of crap! BUT if you do need to buy a few stocking stuffers, then visit the WaterShoppe and we will look after you. PLUS we do free gift wrapping with any purchases over 25 clams. Now THAT is a way to relieve some of the stress of holiday gift giving!
If anyone is interested in attempting to improve their health, please come down and ask for the "secret water", as well as picking up a package of self test PH strips. This stuff seriously makes you feel better.
have a great week!

Was I right, or was I right?

Are these possibly the cutest things you've ever seen? Imagine getting a gorgeous green velvet gift box, with classic gold ribbon, and then opening it to see NO, not a pair of diamond cuff links, but a Mister T rubber duck! The classic "F.U" joke. Yes, I do stay awake at night thinking of these things.
Have a cranky girlfriend? We've got a PMS duck. Want to inspire your child to become a famous writer? We've got Shakespeare. Need to remember when times were less complicated an more fun? We've got the Blues Brothers. Have a boss who behaves like royalty? We've got Queen Elizabeth.
Enough about the ducks, how about our crazy selection of "Grow your own" stuff-Grow a new husband. Yep. You put a wee little man in a jug of water, and he gets big, and yet stays quiet, and never leaves the toilet seat up. Still hooked on the Sopranos? Grow your very own mobster. Need professional help but can't afford it? Grow a shrink. That way whatever mental nonsense you tell him, the secret is safe.
Would you like to smooch some corporate arse in the hopes of moving up the ladder without actually working hard? We have fabulous gift baskets to make you look like a real hitter.
Want to pretend that you are in a foreign land without leaving your depressing basement apartment? Get one of our sexy Havana candles, and smell your way to showgirls and cigars. Need to one up a certain person this year with the most unique gift? Get a bottle of Bling water and mention that it was "just one of the bottles in my case, thought you might like it".
Starved for attention? Walk down the street in one of our pink flamingo shower caps during rush hour, belting out SPLISH SPLASH I WAS TAKIN A BATH!
Feeling the urge to mess with a stranger while on a long flight? Buy one of our fake hermit crabs, and place it on the seat next to you, as if you'd purchased it a ticket.
Need to gross out an uptight co-worker? Cough really loud, turn your back to them, and then pretend to bring up one of our nasty yet very popular blob frogs. Follow up by saying "I just KNEW I shouldn't have swallowed that".
Or maybe you would simply like to enjoy a civilized visit to our store, sip a decadent hot chocolate, and look around at all the pretty bottles of water.
Oh! We have a great new member to Team WaterShoppe-Her name is Kim St Clair, and she is super. Don't give her a hard time, we really want Kim to stick around!
Have a great week-end doing whatever makes you happy!
See you at the store soon!